I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
