And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
