i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
