Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well you can't waste a boner
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
