no, he came in my armpit
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
