He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
