Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
