My brain says no but my pants say off.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
