its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
