She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He better not be in your backpack
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
