okay pat passed out under dana's car
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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