hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
