I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
