omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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