I heard we made out
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
