Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
