I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
someone owes me an orgasm
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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