I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
