Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think we might need a safe word for this...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
