her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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