There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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