Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
