The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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