Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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