its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
