I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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