whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
