So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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