everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
