You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
