remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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