You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why do cheetos always look like penises
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
