this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
