I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
In America we eat man semen.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
