Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
