Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
