Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
