i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
