It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Alive.
So much puke
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
