return my video game
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
