Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
