So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
