home. puking in laundry basket.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
