im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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