He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
