no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
