please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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