Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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