Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
