how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
