I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
