I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
