I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
