i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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