I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
