Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
