if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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