So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
