DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
