I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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