Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
