hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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