I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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