Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
