Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize