Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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