Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
