I wanna bring you to show and tell
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
